Such and ugly word, when you think about it. I've waded through my fair share of rejection over the past couple of months, but I chose the writing profession and it's just something that comes with the territory.
But rejection comes in so many different forms.
When dealing with an unfaithful spouse, whether it's a physical, emotional, or visual betrayal, a woman always feels rejection. When she finds out what's going on, the questions begin. "Am I not pretty enough?" "Do I need to lose a few extra pounds?" "Why does he never pay attention to just me?" This is when betrayal and rejection cut the deepest.
As women, we don't want to feel like we're secondary to the magazines he flips through, to the woman he secretly has on the side, to that woman at work who seems to capture his attention in ways we cannot. And it hurts when we know that we don't take priority in his mind, that his thoughts are elsewhere when we try to have a conversation with our husbands.
It's been a while since I've experienced my husband's rejection, but every now and again, when I start to let the thoughts of this world creep into my mind, it rears its ugly head. October 31 will be my husband's one year sobriety date for his lust/porn addiction. After this depressing past year, this upcoming milestone brings tears to my eyes.
I can't believe he's made it a whole year, but with the changes in our lives, I know this sobriety date will be well-deserved for him.
Has your spouse experienced a sobriety milestone lately? How does that make you feel?
I can relate to the feeling of rejection. For 12 years I had felt like he didn't love me enough and I allowed all kinds of negative thoughts to consume me. The last disclosure was the worst and it has taken me 3 months to forgive him, where as in the past I was quick to forgive and move on. I didn't have the 12 steps then nor anyone to turn to. Didn't know I needed any healing. Just moved on and pushed my feelings under a rug.
ReplyDeleteNow that I have found the 12 steps, I am learning about the atonement in a whole new light. It's been difficult, painful, and scary, but also beautiful and life changing.
My husband is coming up on 3 months sobriety. This is his first time with the 12 steps and he is loving the ARP program. He's been more honest in our marriage than ever and these 3 months have actually brought us closer together than we have ever been.
I know he is not out of the woods yet, but we are seeing some tender mercies and miracles along the way and know the Lord is mindful of us.
Great Post!
When you do start a program like a 12 step, it can be very scary the things you learn, both about yourself and how you deal with relationships. I did a condensed version of the 12 steps -- an 8 step one -- and I loved the women who shared that time with me. I learned so much about what I repress and how I deal with things in general.
ReplyDeleteAs to my husband's sobriety, I'm glad, yet left with feelings of uncertainty when it comes to him reaching the one-year mark. Just last night we had a conversation about how tough the month of October is for him, because it was this time last year that all the you-know-what hit the fan. But, yes, he's made so much progress and all I can do is pray for more progress.
Thanks for stopping by Sparrow!