Taking Responsibility

Taking responsibility for a given situation that we have either created or taken part in is something we learn from the time our mother says her first 'no' to us. It's strange, but lately I've been learning a lot about how many adults in my life don't remember how to look at a given situation and see that they are actually the ones causing things to happen as they fall to pieces around them.

There is a person in my life right now who has decided that by ignoring the situation she created, that by saying another person is actually responsible, then she has fixed the problem. But no problem has been fixed here. She's the one allowing for the sequence of events to continue to spin out of control, and yet, she refuses to acknowledge that she's the one who allowed for the cycle to begin and the one who allows it to continue. Taking a little responsibility for what she's allowed to happen would be nice right about now.

I also have a sister who recently lost her job. I've talked to her endlessly about the hamster wheel she continues to run on. She wants things to change for the better, ultimately blames God for the mess in her life, and withdraws from others in general, particularly the family. I've come to a point where nothing I say will help what addicts term 'the cycle of insanity', because I know she will keep going back to her familiar dark corners and continue to blame others around her. Again, taking a little responsibility for the fact that she ultimately pushed some limit too far that got her fired would be nice right about now.

And then there is my husband. We had an argument over some things that have surfaced from his past. I was so upset and unsettled by what I discovered. We sat down and I told him exactly how this was making me feel, just as we've learned to do through all the healing our relationship has been going through over the past couple of years. What I wanted from him was ownership of his actions. And you know what, he took it. He's not perfect and every day is a battle against the enemy. I know this. But, when things come to light that I had no knowledge of, I just want to hear him say that, yes, he did that and he's the one responsible for the repercussions.

Sometimes, when it comes to the difficult relationships in our lives, all we really need to hear is that the person responsible take ownership of their part in the downward spiral. Taking responsibility is so hard at times, but so important.

Do you struggle with responsibility and your part in given situations? Or do you have that one person who continues to frustrate you because he/she refuses to believe they have done wrong?

Decisions, Decisions

The past two weeks have been difficult for our family. Things concerning my in-laws have finally come to a head. You see, there were some decisions made late last year involving a certain family member -- decisions that would ultimately adversely affect our small family on this side of the coin.

Sadly enough, my husband's hand has been forced to lay down an ultimatum. He can no longer emotionally or spiritually be connected to the poor decisions of other individuals and he finally made sure they knew, writing it all down in black and white. Beforehand, he'd been told that his opinion didn't matter, that the person who made this debilitating decision didn't care who they hurt in the process. They wanted it, and another individual was willing to pay to have it done.

I know I sound a bit cryptic, but let's just say that this other person's decision centers around his sexual addiction. And he's gone so far down that it's incredibly scary. But another family member was willing to say, "You want this, then I'll pay for it." And they keep paying for this individual's addiction. It's like buying crack for the drug addict, or supplying fresh bottles of alcohol for the alcoholic, simply because that's what he wants.

We've decided, as a family and especially since my husband is working through his own form of sexual addiction, that we can no longer be around these individuals. This decision doesn't come lightly; I've seen my husband's tears over this matter more times than I can count. He feels abandoned by his family. He feels that unless he falls for another's manipulative dealings, then he will live with nothing but guilt. Having been through a childhood filled with manipulation, I know exactly where he's coming from. It's just that one day you have to say, "Enough!" and move on with your life without that other individual. God does not call us to follow along in another's sin. He calls us to a life of integrity, much like he did Daniel. Even in the midst of all the turmoil in life, we have to remember that God is in control and that He wants to use us.

But we have to be willing. And sometimes being willing means stepping aside so that He can do the work in another. Letting go is one of the hardest decisions to make.

Are you facing a difficult decision right now, one that might affect more than just you? Do you think my husband has made the right decision in stepping away from his family?