Spending Time

Isn't it strange how you can spend something that you can't really hold in your hands, nor are you fully aware that you're spending it most of the time? I don't know. That just grabbed my attention when I titled this post.

Anyway, what I mean by spending time is that quality time you're able to have with your spouse. I don't mean slipping in a few minutes of watching t.v. after the kids have gone to bed, the dishes have been done, and you're both thoroughly exhausted after a day's work.

No, I'm talking about that time you set aside for something special.

This past week, our daughter has been away at camp and my husband and I knew we wanted to do something together, just the two of us. We live about six hours away from our nearest relatives, and seeing as how we've had to set some pretty stiff boundaries with them, we haven't ventured into their neck of the woods for a while, nor will we anytime soon.

So, we try our best to make some magic!

But it's hard. Babysitters haven't been overly reliable or we have one who gets pretty expensive and we just can't always afford to hire her. Needless to say, we took full advantage of this week without a kid!

And it was well worth it!

We booked a last minute hotel deal (and it turned out to be a pretty nice hotel), drove the hour trip to our destination, swam a few hours in the wonderfully relaxing pool and hot tub, ordered in room service and watched some cable movies. We haven't had cable for the past few years, so it's a treat to actually have more than five channels to choose from. The next day, we walked around the city, went to a museum, and just plain enjoyed ourselves.

Although our trip was a one-night, short-but-sweet kind of thing, it was well worth doing. All couples need to set aside time at least every couple of weeks and remember what it was like to date that other person. I find it to be a great bonding time with my husband, time we really need with one another.

Have you spent any quality time with your spouse lately?

The Glassed-In Room

This week, I spent time working my church's annual VBS. Now, I know for a fact that God hasn't called me to work with children's ministries, because I've tried and failed miserably at it in the past, but for my daughter's sake, I decided to help out behind the scenes.

Since I tend to be a reclusive, hermit-type individual, I knew spending this week, checking in kids and meeting parents, would allow me an opportunity to get to know more women in my church. I prefer folding in on myself, sticking to my comfort zones, and living in my own writing world, but I also know God has called me to be part of a community of believers. I'm one of those who has to force myself to be sociable, whether it be at church, at a writing meeting, or having lunch with some of my husband's co-workers. It's tough, but I do it.

So, this past week, during my down time at the church in between VBS sessions, I found myself stuck in a glassed-in room with about eight other women with children in the program and helping out in one way or another, although with some of them I wasn't quite sure why they were there other than to gossip. And I guess that's what I'm getting at here.

I'm not a gossiper.

It's not because I deliberately go out of my way to avoid gossip of any kind, it's just, well, I don't want the world to know my news so why would I go spreading about someone else's dirty laundry. But church ladies never fail to amaze me. When given the chance, stories are brought up, names are mentioned in low voices, and many "Don't tell anyone else this, but did you know..." get passed around. I find it disturbing and maybe that's why I shy away from some of the younger women in the church. From past experiences, it seems that the more mature a Christian woman is in her faith, the older she tends to be. And I prefer someone who isn't liable to drop my name into an unseemly discussion.

But there's something else that got to me this week, too. As many of you know, I've struggled the past few years with my husband's addiction and we've been going through a lot of healing. Sometimes it makes me cry when I think of where our relationship once was and how much we've grown since. So, I guess it disturbed me greatly when the women's gossip eventually evolved into "Hollywood Crushes."

Now, I'm not saying that there aren't some great looking actors in Hollywood, but it amazed me how much these women obsess about them. I can honestly say, outside of when I was a lot younger and not involved with anyone, that I have never really been attracted to the qualities Hollywood men posses. I mean, many of them are self-absorbed, caught in wild patterns of immorality, and been married so many times I have a hard time keeping track of what wife they're on. But these women in the glassed-in room just kept going on and on. And then the justification started.

They said with women it's not the same as it is for men.

They said there was no lust involved.

They said they just liked to look at beautiful people.

They said it doesn't go beyond the image on the screen.

But isn't that exactly what men do? They look at those pictures on the screens getting passed around the room. They pretend there isn't any lust, that the woman is just beautiful and ought to be looked at, otherwise, why would she be wearing that outfit. They say that it is their wives they go home to.

The whole conversation just made me sad. It also made me realize how far I've come when it comes to viewing sexual addiction. Conversations like this one get framed in a whole new light. When I discussed it with my husband, he agreed. How would I like it if he was looking up hot Hollywood women on his phone and then passing it around the room so all the other guys could see what he thought was hot and what he thinks he's missing at home? I'd feel pretty lousy and once again shameful of my relationship.

How would you feel?