The Glassed-In Room

This week, I spent time working my church's annual VBS. Now, I know for a fact that God hasn't called me to work with children's ministries, because I've tried and failed miserably at it in the past, but for my daughter's sake, I decided to help out behind the scenes.

Since I tend to be a reclusive, hermit-type individual, I knew spending this week, checking in kids and meeting parents, would allow me an opportunity to get to know more women in my church. I prefer folding in on myself, sticking to my comfort zones, and living in my own writing world, but I also know God has called me to be part of a community of believers. I'm one of those who has to force myself to be sociable, whether it be at church, at a writing meeting, or having lunch with some of my husband's co-workers. It's tough, but I do it.

So, this past week, during my down time at the church in between VBS sessions, I found myself stuck in a glassed-in room with about eight other women with children in the program and helping out in one way or another, although with some of them I wasn't quite sure why they were there other than to gossip. And I guess that's what I'm getting at here.

I'm not a gossiper.

It's not because I deliberately go out of my way to avoid gossip of any kind, it's just, well, I don't want the world to know my news so why would I go spreading about someone else's dirty laundry. But church ladies never fail to amaze me. When given the chance, stories are brought up, names are mentioned in low voices, and many "Don't tell anyone else this, but did you know..." get passed around. I find it disturbing and maybe that's why I shy away from some of the younger women in the church. From past experiences, it seems that the more mature a Christian woman is in her faith, the older she tends to be. And I prefer someone who isn't liable to drop my name into an unseemly discussion.

But there's something else that got to me this week, too. As many of you know, I've struggled the past few years with my husband's addiction and we've been going through a lot of healing. Sometimes it makes me cry when I think of where our relationship once was and how much we've grown since. So, I guess it disturbed me greatly when the women's gossip eventually evolved into "Hollywood Crushes."

Now, I'm not saying that there aren't some great looking actors in Hollywood, but it amazed me how much these women obsess about them. I can honestly say, outside of when I was a lot younger and not involved with anyone, that I have never really been attracted to the qualities Hollywood men posses. I mean, many of them are self-absorbed, caught in wild patterns of immorality, and been married so many times I have a hard time keeping track of what wife they're on. But these women in the glassed-in room just kept going on and on. And then the justification started.

They said with women it's not the same as it is for men.

They said there was no lust involved.

They said they just liked to look at beautiful people.

They said it doesn't go beyond the image on the screen.

But isn't that exactly what men do? They look at those pictures on the screens getting passed around the room. They pretend there isn't any lust, that the woman is just beautiful and ought to be looked at, otherwise, why would she be wearing that outfit. They say that it is their wives they go home to.

The whole conversation just made me sad. It also made me realize how far I've come when it comes to viewing sexual addiction. Conversations like this one get framed in a whole new light. When I discussed it with my husband, he agreed. How would I like it if he was looking up hot Hollywood women on his phone and then passing it around the room so all the other guys could see what he thought was hot and what he thinks he's missing at home? I'd feel pretty lousy and once again shameful of my relationship.

How would you feel?