Decisions, Decisions

The past two weeks have been difficult for our family. Things concerning my in-laws have finally come to a head. You see, there were some decisions made late last year involving a certain family member -- decisions that would ultimately adversely affect our small family on this side of the coin.

Sadly enough, my husband's hand has been forced to lay down an ultimatum. He can no longer emotionally or spiritually be connected to the poor decisions of other individuals and he finally made sure they knew, writing it all down in black and white. Beforehand, he'd been told that his opinion didn't matter, that the person who made this debilitating decision didn't care who they hurt in the process. They wanted it, and another individual was willing to pay to have it done.

I know I sound a bit cryptic, but let's just say that this other person's decision centers around his sexual addiction. And he's gone so far down that it's incredibly scary. But another family member was willing to say, "You want this, then I'll pay for it." And they keep paying for this individual's addiction. It's like buying crack for the drug addict, or supplying fresh bottles of alcohol for the alcoholic, simply because that's what he wants.

We've decided, as a family and especially since my husband is working through his own form of sexual addiction, that we can no longer be around these individuals. This decision doesn't come lightly; I've seen my husband's tears over this matter more times than I can count. He feels abandoned by his family. He feels that unless he falls for another's manipulative dealings, then he will live with nothing but guilt. Having been through a childhood filled with manipulation, I know exactly where he's coming from. It's just that one day you have to say, "Enough!" and move on with your life without that other individual. God does not call us to follow along in another's sin. He calls us to a life of integrity, much like he did Daniel. Even in the midst of all the turmoil in life, we have to remember that God is in control and that He wants to use us.

But we have to be willing. And sometimes being willing means stepping aside so that He can do the work in another. Letting go is one of the hardest decisions to make.

Are you facing a difficult decision right now, one that might affect more than just you? Do you think my husband has made the right decision in stepping away from his family?

Family Matters

Last weekend, my husband took a trip back to his mother's house — alone. A few weeks prior, she'd called telling him there were some pressing family matters she wanted to discuss with him. She gave him an idea as to what it was all about. After he got off the phone with her, he sat me down and told me her breaking news. I've decided not to reveal that news at the moment, but let's just say I wasn't overly shocked, neither was he, but we were both saddened.

So, his mother bought him a plane ticket home and he spent three days with his family. Three shocking and unbelievable days.

His mother had only touched the tip of the iceberg with her news on the phone. There was so much more to the story, so much more to the family member involved, that when I heard my husband proclaim the news over the phone, I was literally at a loss for words.

Our first step was to immediately take the situation to the Lord. Next, he made sure to call his SA sponsor and talk things through with him and how my husband should handle the situation for the time being. Let's just say, when the family member heard my husband's feelings on the matter, even though he was very loving and stated he needed time to think things through, that family member blew up in his face, cursing with every other word being the f-bomb.

As a couple, we don't agree with the path this family member has chosen to take, but at the same time we haven't stopped loving this person. This individual has made a choice, one that will affect their life for years to come. Right away, my husband was seen as ignorant and unfeeling because he simply didn't agree with this person's life choices. This makes me both sad and angry.

We are not ignorant to the ways of the world. We just choose, unlike many out there who feel they have to go with everything that comes down the pike. But each of us has choices, whether another disagrees or not. It's just that we have to learn how to show grace to those who need it the most.

As a family, we are still in shock and utter disbelief, most importantly my husband. He woke up the day following his return home and when I asked him how he was feeling, he simply said he was sad. And that in turn makes me sad. We don't like to see those most important to us hurt over someone else's decisions.

My husband's plan is simple: Work the steps and keep in touch with his sponsor. Prayer is the number one thing for our family right now, and really, that's all we can do for this individual. We love this person and we will continue to battle the enemy on their behalf.