Forgiveness

To many of us struggling to get through and understand another's addiction, forgiveness sounds like a dirty word. Here's the thing, though -- if we never forgive, then in the end the only person we're really hurting is ourselves.

At some point, we want to be loosed from our chains of unforgiveness, depression, hate, anger, and hurt. But how do we move beyond all those emotions roiling inside us? A few years back, I was in a very damaging auto accident. The psychiatrist who made the rounds and spoke with patients after traumatic experiences explained to me what I was feeling and experiencing. When our bodies incur trauma, we go through the same steps of grief that we would if we'd lost a loved one. At the time, I couldn't seem to wrap my head around that, but in retrospect, I see what he means. The same has happened when it comes to hitting the low of my husband's addiction.

Here are the Seven Stages of Grief:

1. Shock and Denial
2. Pain and Guilt
3. Anger and Bargaining
4. Depression, Reflection, Loneliness
5. The Upward Turn
6. Acceptance and Hope

Personally, I feel I'm somewhere between The Upward Turn and Acceptance and Hope. I've learned to forgive my husband for his actions, but still, I'm apprehensive as to how his recovery is holding up at times. It's hard for me as the spouse, because only he and God understand the inner workings of his mind. Right now, he's on a good path. But do I worry a little about the road ahead? Sure. And I'm sure you do too.

Looking at the Seven Stages of Grief, where would you say you are in your journey of healing and forgiveness?