Marriage Mentoring 101

I've mentioned before that my husband and I have been going through marriage mentoring training at our church. And it's been not only helpful to our own marriage, but very revealing and insightful when it comes to marriage as a whole.

Here are a few things we've learned so far:

1. Dating is so very important -- One of the first activities we were given was to immediately set aside a date night. Surprisingly enough, a majority of couples out there don't even know what it's like to date their spouse. Most couples who go through this marriage mentoring have such a fractured relationship that they hardly speak to one another on cordial terms. So, yes, dating is very crucial in opening up that line of communication again.
2. Understand where your spouse is coming from -- Many spouses have allowed their relationships to erode out of sheer selfishness. Each wants what he/she wants and to hell with what the other wants. Because of this, communication breaks down. One or the other gives up on trying to get his/her point across. Active listening is key in rebuilding the relationship.
3. Identify the problem areas and learn how to work through them -- How many of us would raise our hand when asked what's wrong with our marital relationship? Probably all of us. But how many of us will be in sync with what our spouse thinks is the main problem? Not many. Because these broken down relationships become so one-sided, we tend to be blind to what the other believes is the problem. Why communication is so important.
4. Reassure your spouse -- I know from personal experience with my husband's addiction that there are times when even the smallest things send my mind and emotions into a tailspin. Ex. Not so long ago my husband hung up on me in the middle of a heated conversation. Immediately I feared he would do what he's done in the past when it comes to his addiction -- seek out solace at a porn site. When I raised this concern, our leaders told us that we need to be able to reassure one another that the old us is not going to step in and take over the worked-on us. My husband was very receptive and understanding of this and this is something we've worked on over the past couple of months.
5. Strong spiritual agreement is key -- When two individuals believe two completely different ways spiritually, right away they step into an unbalanced relationship. Believe it or not, how we were raised and how we hold onto beliefs from our past, plus what we've incorporated since can strongly direct the flow of a marriage. Being in agreement spiritually brings things to an even keel.
6. Just spend time talking -- Yes, men and women are programmed differently, but one thing we really have to do in our relationship is talk. You hear it everywhere you go! Communication is key! And the best way to do that is just set aside some time for the two of you and talk. See what's been bugging her lately. Find out why he's been so moody. Whatever you say will impact and hopefully help your relationship in some way.

I hope some of what I've shared is helpful, especially if you're facing some struggle in your relationship. And, yeah, communication really is key when it comes to rebuilding what you have with your spouse!

Marriage Mentoring

Life has been busy, that much is true. I'm trying to get some things back on track and one of them is this blog. So, bear with me as I try to get back into my routine.

The one thing I wanted to post about today is a recent marriage mentoring program my husband and I have been through. Not many people know the whole story of our eleven years of marriage, but we have been through A LOT. And I don't mean in the normal sense of life in general, but many things that have been out of the ordinary and very trying to our marriage. One of those things, of course, is my husband's porn addiction, which is what I write about here at The Fragile Teacup.

Anyway, where am I going with this, right?

Well, my husband and I have put a lot of prayer and thought into a new program at our church that works in partnership with a nonprofit counseling agency in town. They have a very defined and well-tested program they use for mentoring married couples who are going through A LOT and want to get their marriages back on track. So, my husband and I took the mentoring course and have now started our "practice mentoring" with a well-established mentoring couple in the program.

And I bet you can't guess what one of the first questions was for us? How did we meet and what has our marriage been like. And we told it all. The good, the bad, the tragic, the ugly, and the addiction recovery. Our practice couple was just a little more than flabbergasted when we finished our eleven year tale in the making.

But looking back at our testimony --  where we've been, the fires we have come through, and where we are today -- I, myself, am a little flabbergasted. God has done amazing things in our marriage! And it never ceases to amaze me! God has given us our testimony for a reason and we think that reason is to help other couples struggling through difficult times. I believe there is always healing to be done. All I have to do is look at where I am and see the healing God has done and continues to do in my life and in the life of my marriage.

Where are you in your testimony that God has given you? Can you look back and pinpoint those times when God was carrying you through the fire?